Musings
by Lady Crysiana
Summary: Krad thinks about life, love, and Satoshi. Very creepy.


Musings

Directly, this is Sakura's fault for posting that picture. Indirectly, I guess it's Meg's fault for asking Sakura for the picture. 

It's a Krad-thinking-about-Satoshi/the Hikari family fic. It's...shounen ai in a violent sort of way. Now stop cheering, you guys. 

Musings 

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He hates me. 

I don't really expect anything else. They all have, since the very beginning. I'm an unwelcome visitor in their family, someone they'd rather get rid of. I hate them too. All of them. 

I suppose it's flattering to know that they each sealed their emotions inside themselves to keep me locked up for all eternity. The Hikari family has revolved around me for centuries, trying to seal me away or get rid of me. But mostly trying to balk me of my prey. 

The Niwa family.I honestly don't understand why the Hikari's go to such lengths to protect the Niwa's. Most of the Hikari's seem to hate the kaitou, Dark. And most of them resent Dark's host for his freedom, to feel without worry that he'll become an ice demon. And yet, they all try to catch Dark, while keeping his other side safe, and while hating both of them. I don't think I'll ever understand them, truly. But this one, the one I'm in now, is different. 

He loves Dark's other side. It's.annoying and amusing at the same time. It's amusing in that he's the first of his family in centuries to have let me out at all. It's annoying in that he tries that much harder to keep me from emerging, because he knows I'm after the one he cares about. And it's amusing because everyone involved knows how this has to end. 

He's the first of his family that I've respected. I hate him as I've hated every one of the Hikari's from the first, but the perversion of his personality.it intrigues me. 

He is fully aware that he is never going to receive the boy's love. He is also fully aware that if he did receive the boy's love, it would simply give me an opportunity to end the Niwa family line. And he knows that he hates Dark with as much passion as he loves Dark's shadow. And yet he still goes on, trying to catch Dark and save the boy.Daisuke. 

None of the other Hikari had such a clear vision of their goals. And none of them felt so strongly in such opposite directions. It's.attractive, I suppose. He has a perverse sense of.goals, of what he wants, and he's striving to fulfill all he wants to do. And he does this even when he knows it's impossible. I suppose I respect that kind of desperate insanity-the striving to meet two mutually exclusive goals. It appeals to my odd sense of humor. 

And of course, such a seemingly straight-laced boy begs to be fucked. And yet, he'd rather have thatthe wing master...Daisuke. 

I've never really and truly hated one of the Niwa family before. Not personally. I hate them all in a general sort of way-they're my enemies, the wing masters, and I despise them and want to rip them to shreds for what they are. However, this boy, Daisuke.I hate him. I want to torture him before I kill him, break his bones and score his flesh, and make him sob and cry to whatever gods he believes in. I want to pull him apart piece by piece and see the blood run crimson and black from his body. I want to hear him scream for mercy that I won't give as I tear his still-beating heart from his chest. I want to see him die. 

Because I want Satoshi. And Satoshi wants him. 

I've never, in all of my life, felt about anyone the way I feel for Satoshi. It isn't love-I sincerely doubt that I'm capable of such a thing, and I truly do hate him. Iadmire him, even as I do hate him, and I want him. I want to possess Satoshi, to own him, to have him entirely. I want to see him fall into madness and die inside as he cannot fulfill both of his goals. I want to break him myself, and make him submit fully to me. I want him.I want him to not just be one of the many faces my body has worn. I want him to be the last. 

I might want him to want me. I don't need his love, but his desireit would be lovely, to have that power over him. 

I don't want his love. I don't. 

And that's good. 

Because he hates me. 

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